A downward spiral STOPPED

Our lead pastor just began a new series entitled, "Dear God..." and its all about prayer. My typical weekends don't usually allow the luxury of hearing the sermons on Sunday mornings so I listened to the first message in the series tonight while I was out running (ok so I was power walking....). The series is based around this awesome, but super short, prayer found in the old testament. You might know it as the Jabez Prayer. It is really simple. Check it out. 

I Chronicles 4:10

Jabez prayed to the God of Israel: "Bless me, Oh Bless me! Give me land, large tracts of it. And provide your personal protection--don't let evil hurt me." God gave him what he asked.

Who wouldn't want that to happen to them? I want this so badly. However, I am not going to be praying this for me this month. I will be praying for Ryan this month. I want God to bless him, grow his territory, and keep evil away from him! That is my prayer. :) 

In the same message, Rodney touched on that last piece of the prayer (about keeping me safe from evil)....another translation reads: "May your power be with me and free me from evil so  that I will not be in pain." That part almost knocked the wind out of me. Here are some of the points that caught my attention and reminded me how awesome our God is, like he told Rodney to mention this briefly just cuz I needed to hear it tonight.... check it out. maybe you can relate too...

The enemy wants to defeat me. He doesn't want me to succeed at work, school, with my relationships with the people I care most about, and ultimately with my relationship with God. He wants me to be overwhelmed by the circumstances of life. --Which is super hard to hear, because I have been totally consumed by what is happening in MY life lately, worried about so much, doubting myself constantly and dwelling in the past.-- When he can get me weak and vulnerable he knows he's got me right where he wants me, in a trap. I have fallen  victim to this trap because I HAVE become weak and vulnerable cuz I've taken my eyes off God, even for this brief moment, and I have put my eyes on my circumstances rather than living by faith. I have started living by sight and I have set myself up for failure because now all of the sudden I am beginning to compromise and loose sight of what God has for me and as a result, I have begun to abandon the principles that God wants me to live by and as a result of that I have started adjusting, compromising, and rearranging those principles to do what is right in my own eyes. I've made myself strong and think that I can overcome these circumstances and so I have started walking very near the edge of temptation thinking that I can handle it, I can do it on my own. But its a load of BS and I'm totally ready to admit it.

I'm oh so sick of letting each day pass, waiting for God to make a move in my life. I've gotten pretty bitter that he hasn't provided an opportunity or even showed me what to do with my life. But I haven't paid any attention to ask for his help.  I have been so concentrated on making sure I was equipped to handle my finances, my boyfriend, my relationships, my work....that I have completely lost sight of the faith that brought me to where I was when I felt completely satisfied with my relationship with Christ. Maybe that was it. Maybe it began to happen when I got content with my walk. Maybe thats how I began to slide back wards. Or not so much backwards, just into this brick wall. This brick wall that has left me emotionless and tired and frustrated and repulsed by own being. Who have I become? I don't want to be like this. I WONT be like this. I'm done living a mediocre life. I want more. God has more for me! So much more. I can't wait to see what my future holds! God, I'm so sorry I put you aside to try to plan my own future and life. It is exhausting. I'm over it. I want you. I need you. I crave and desire you to  be el numero uno in my life. I won't settle for having you anywhere but there. From this point forward, I'm done regretting. I'm done making excuses and false promises. I'm done lying to myself. I'm waking up. And I am ready for whatever you have in store. Whether you reveal it to me tomorrow or ten years down the road. I am here. I am willing. And I want with every piece of me to follow you, holding nothing back. I can and WILL do this for you. I love you.